Many of my friends have recently had their first baby added to their family, and every time it brings back all the emotions for me. I have number 3 coming in April but those first-time mom feelings are still so fresh.
The excitement and anxiety. The unknown, the doubt, the awe. The weekends where you have nothing else to do but cuddle your little and have no requirements to get off the couch all day. The good and the bad that comes with not knowing and figuring it out as you go. First-time mom-life is unlike anything I can describe so instead I put down all my first-time mom thoughts I remember having.
It all starts in the hospital after you cuddle your baby for the first time.
You’ve waited 9 months to meet the small person who has been kicking your insides and all you can think the first time you hold your baby is what did I get myself into!
The love overflows into fear/doubt/guilt. If the fear doesn’t hit right away, it will.
How do I support her head? I’m going to drop him. Why aren’t they breastfeeding right? Is it something I’m doing wrong? Are they swaddled too tight. too loose? Is my “down there” area ever going to be the same?
Was that a smile? I think she smiled at me… it will all be OK.
And then you leave the hospital which was your safety net for three days. You suddenly don’t have the nurses telling you the small cough is normal and their cry isn’t saying they are in pain. The nurses were helping change his diapers, and dang-it what am I supposed to do with this circumcision again…?
Are they breathing? Maybe I should check if they are breathing one more time before I go to bed. Why aren’t they pooping?
I’ll google it.
And then all of the thoughts about their poop creep in.
Are they pooping enough? Why do they poop so much? Is their poop green? What does green poop mean? I’ll google it.
How many diapers have they gone through? Did she really just blow out her diaper for the 4th time today? One more load of laundry today.
And the crying seems to never end.
Boy, do those little people have big lungs!
Is she in pain? Why is she crying so loud. so long. so dramatic. Has she stopped crying in the last hour at all? She must be hungry. Or maybe she pooped again. No, she’s hungry. She’s tired? She’s definitely hungry.
I’ll google it.
OK, she’s not hungry, now she’s sleeping. I have 45 minutes until she wakes up and will definitely be hungry.
I should do laundry while she sleeps.
But, everyone says to sleep when the baby sleeps… so I should sleep. Or should I clean the dish pile that is now covering my entire kitchen. Or maybe the laundry which is overflowing in the hallway should be folded. I should shower, it’s been 3 days. (ok, 4)
All I want to do is sit and stare at this beautiful little baby I created. :: sits in silence and stares for 5 minutes ::
OK, she definitely pooped… do I wake her up? do I let her sleep in the poop? What if she gets diaper rash from sleeping in poop? I’ll google it.
I’m too tired to eat.
But I’m so happy. but I am also exhausted. Yes, I’m exhausted and happy. I had no idea what being tired meant before now… I am really tired. But look at that baby, she is perfect.
She woke up… she’s crying again. She’s hungry. Or maybe she wants to go back to sleep? O wait, she pooped. I think she pooped, and she’s hungry and then she will probably fall back asleep.
I got this.
My best friend wants to come over and meet my new little baby.
I can’t wait for all my friends to meet her. But I haven’t showered in 5 days. The house is a mess. I’m not cleaning it. OK, I’ll clean just the downstairs. But what if she wants to see the nursery. OK, I’ll clean just the downstairs and the nursery. I have 1 hour to feed the baby, shower, clean the downstairs and the nursery and hide the dirty dishes somewhere.
Wait she spit up. Where’s the burp cloth. Make a note to put a burp cloth everywhere. Is that amount of spit up normal? Does she have reflux? What is gripe water?
I’ll google it.
OK now have I have 45 minutes to clean up and do everything I need to do before my friend gets here.
Why isn’t my baby sleeping through the night? Am I ever going to sleep again? They are so sweet when they are sleeping. Look at their sweet lips pucker as they sleep. Do I have all of the right toys? What does a 2 month old play with? I need to give them everything that will mentally stimulate them now so they will get into college in 18 years. How much tummy time is enough? Can you do too much tummy time? Are we hitting the right milestones? Did that last baby burp smell funky to you? What does white poop mean? Is that a rash? What’s going on with their dry scalp?
I’ll google it.
I need coffee.
These were a fraction of the thoughts going through my head with my first, add your own in the comments.
What was (or is!) going through your head with number one?