Everything is hard… You just get to choose which hard you want.
That sounds like something you’d slap on a motivational poster, but honestly? It’s one of the most real-life, long-term lessons I can think of.
Getting up early to work out? Hard.
Not feeling great about your health? Also hard.
Speaking up when something’s bothering you? Hard.
Letting resentment simmer inside you? Definitely hard.
Saving money when you’d rather spend it? Hard.
Feeling the weight of financial stress later? Still hard.
The point isn’t to scare them with how tough life can be. It’s to give them agency. Because once you realize that nothing in life is totally easy, you stop looking for the path with no obstacles, and start looking for the one that’s worth the effort. You’re choosing your challenges, not just reacting to them.
That shift changes everything.
I want my kids to grow up knowing that every decision is a trade-off. Every yes is a no to something else. Saying yes to hard work now might mean saying no to regret later. Saying yes to practicing guitar every day means less free time. But the new skill you get in return and a sense of pride, while seeing your progress, is worth it.
I want them to understand that even things we love, hobbies, friendships, and passions, still take work.
And that’s not a flaw in life. That is life.
So when things feel heavy, or boring, or like too much effort, I want them to pause and ask themselves:
Is this the hard I choose?
Because if the answer is yes, even when it’s messy, that hard comes with a choice and a goal.
And once you own that choice, something really cool happens, you start complaining less. You don’t waste as much time asking why it’s hard. You already knew it would be. So instead, you get to work. You dig in. You give it your full effort, not because it’s easy, but because it’s yours.
And that ownership makes it easier to show up with more intention and a lot more grit.
I also want my kids to know that choosing the “easy” road right now doesn’t always lead to an easy life. Skipping the work, avoiding the tough stuff, it might feel like relief in the short term, but it can make things harder in the long run. You still end up paying for the hard, just later.
There’s no way around hard. But there is a way through it. And when you walk that road knowing you picked it, knowing it lines up with your goals, it feels different. You feel more in control.
So that’s the heart of this lesson:
You don’t get to skip the hard. But you do get to pick the type of hard that you want to put your energy to.
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