I don’t say that enough, probably because my dishwasher was broken for 2 months and my two year old had a massive tantrum because I tried to take a blue marker away from him. My 4 year old loves leaving legos all over the house which out right makes me angry. Oh, and my 1st grader has been distance learning with no plans of going back anytime soon which makes me an assistant teacher in addition to the life and work going on at home.
I’m not writing this saying I have a life without sadness or stress or regret. There are a lot of apologies and disagreements, and nights where we’re so tired and climb in to bed, only to wake up and do it all over again the next day. Surviving but in a state of exhaustion. There are so many days that I feel my head will explode from the pure chaos and reminders swirling around in it.
…But I think that life is beautiful and perfect and I need to say that out loud more often.
I live in a beautiful place that is sunny 276 days a year. I live less than an hour from the beach where I can drive to whenever I want. We live in the mountains where Josh can bike out of our driveway and go mountain biking minutes away. When it snows in the mountains we get to enjoy the beautiful snow capped mountain view while also enjoying 70 degree winter weather. I live in a wine region where we can spend a weekend winery hopping between beautiful wineries. I get to be outside year round, being active with the kids and I will hopefully never have to scrape ice off my car again 🙂
I have an insanely wonderful husband who can bake a mean loaf of sourdough bread and in the same weekend build a table for us to eat the bread on. He works really hard to run his company and when the day is over he gives his 100% to the family. But his work doesn’t take away from my work. He fights hard for me to keep my hobbies and passions alive. We all need someone fighting for us when we are busy caring for everyone else. He wakes up and does breakfast with the kids, in order to give me time to get a workout in.
He knows my favorite cocktail and has it prepared waiting for me when I’m done cooking dinner. He does all the chores at home that he knows I hate, like cleaning toilets and taking the trash out. He makes the best dad jokes. Seriously any moment he can make me laugh with the corniest joke you’ve ever heard. In the same moment he can see that my brain is overloading and give me a hug and take all of my stress down. He reads everything and that inspires me to read more.
And the kids. Talk about a roller coaster of unpredictable. They never stop talking or asking questions, but their questions are such sweet curious questions that makes me realize how much they are trying to grasp an understanding of the world. They don’t leave me alone, literally I have a shadow all day every day, but if I’m being honest I love having them around and realize that one day they won’t be there. They will grow up and have priorities other than watching me go to the bathroom and make them meals. They leave toys everywhere, but they play hard with those toys and when I stop to watch them they are so creative with what they imagine.
I complain that they never listen to me, but in reality they are always listening. Really they listen too much because when I hear my words repeated back to me it makes me pause and is usually a gut punch how I can be saying things different…better. They fight all the time, but they also have sleepovers on the weekends where they stay up late giggling in a fort they build out of pillows.
Our family isn’t in Southern California, but we are constantly checking in on each other. We text about the mundane stuff that doesn’t matter and also get on calls about the stuff that does. My family makes time to zoom with my kids and watch as they run around the house with the phone showing them everything they own close up. They listen to their stories that never made since and answer their questions about why polar bears don’t live in Southern California. As a mom I feel loved when my family gives time and shows love to my kids. My kids write them letters and send their art in the mail as they count down the days until they get to see them again.
I also have great friends. Whether they are on weekly zoom calls across the country or showing up for a weekly walk, doing day to day life., They read school emails and text me because they know I suck at reading school emails. They fly across the country to meet for a quick weekend of doing nothing except being together. They overnight a rice krispie treat via UPS because they know I love them. They send me old photos while tell stories of the ridiculous things we used to do together.
Let’s be serious about the little things. I’m always going to want to lose the extra 5 lbs, or have more toned arms. I’m never going to have dinner planned out a month in advance, and at least once a week my kids are going to eat “frozen something” out of the freezer. I’m always going to be running 5 minutes late. I always plan to go to bed 15 minutes earlier then I do. I always want to get in one more yoga session or read one more book that I actually am able to do. There are so many little things, but those little things don’t overshadow the big things.
I could go on, but I think the people in your life are what really matters and that’s what I’ve shared here. So next time I’m complaining because half of the Christmas lights we just put up blew a fuse, or my kids brought out every toy in the house into my living room in order to make a very complex and impressive lava course, I need to first take a deep breath and read this.
I need to remind myself that despite all the little insignificant things that make me feel in the moment that I won’t make it through the day, the big stuff… my health, the people I’m surrounded by, the sunny days I spend outside… my life is better than good.